Taste Test
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Reno and Tifa try some of their daughter's cooking with some terrible results for Tifa. ReTi oneshot.


Taste Test

Taste Test

AN: I own nothing in this story. Please R&R.

Reno was sleeping on the couch when he felt a tug on his shirt. Opening his eyes a little, he saw his daughter looking at him with barely restrained excitement. Her wine red eyes she had inherited from her mother gleamed.

"Daddy, daddy, you have to eat this!" Elly said, holding up a spoon covered in some black substance. Reno placed a hand on his daughter's auburn colored locks and patted her head lightly.

"Okay Elly, okay, just wait a minute." After he had sat up, Elly handed him the spoon and jumped into his lap, waiting eagerly for his reaction. The former Turk placed the spoon in his mouth and chewed for several moments. It tasted like something Yuffie might make, which was bad since Yuffie could burn soup and even make toast taste like ashes. But Reno would endure anything for his daughter so he smiled at her and rubbed his stomach. "That was delicious!"

"Really daddy, it was good?" Elly asked.

"Sure was princess, you're a master chef with that Easy Bake Oven." Elly leaped off of her father's lap and did a little victory dance, her arms and legs shaking every which way. "Where'd you learn to dance like that?" Reno asked.

"Well I saw Mommy moving like this one day after she got out of the bathroom." Elly said.

"I see, and what are you going to do now, little chef?"

"I'm gonna bake something for mommy!" Elly proclaimed.

"What are you going to make for me?" Tifa said, entering from the hallway.

"It's a secret." Elly said in the most serious tone she could muster at seven years old. Tifa smiled at her daughter and picked her up.

"Well I'll have to make you tell me then." Tifa said, flipping her daughter upside down. She then began blowing raspberries on her daughter's stomach.

"Put…me down Mommy!" Elly said in-between her laughter. Tifa put her down a short while later and watched as Elly ran off to her Easy Bake oven just a few feet away. Tifa then sat next to her husband and laid her head on his shoulder.

"How'd we get so lucky Re?"

"I don't know babe." Reno replied. Then he saw the clock on the wall. "Shoot, I have to get that laundry started and don't forget Teef, it's your turn next week." Reno said, getting up.

"I know Reno, I just hope you finally learned how to separate your colors from your whites."

"You know you liked me in that pink underwear." Reno said, smirking.

"Just go check the laundry." Tifa said. Once Reno left Elly came up to Tifa, a tiny plastic plate in her hands. A brownie was on the dish and Tifa saw all kinds of little sprinkles on it.

"Here you go Mommy." Elly said.

"What's this made of?" Tifa asked. Elly smiled at her mother.

"Magic, it says so right on the box!" Elly said. Tifa took a bite out of the sugary sweet and quickly finished the whole thing.

"That was excellent Elly." Tifa said. She then hugged her daughter and kissed her on the cheek. Tifa laughed as Elly wiped her face and made a disgusted face.

"Mommy what if you have cooties?" Elly said, hands on her hips.

"Then I guess you have a case of the cooties." Tifa said, kissing her on both cheeks in rapid succession.

"Mommy don't! Timmy said that you could die if you get the cooties!" Tifa stopped kissing her daughter and stood up.

"I'm sorry Elly."

"It's okay, now let's color!" Elly said. Tifa nodded and Elly left the room, quickly returning with several coloring books and two boxes of crayons. Mother and daughter spread out the paper and started filling in the black and white pages of the books.

* * *

About an hour later, Elly was concentrating fiercely on her newest picture, tongue hanging partly out of her mouth. Tifa on the other hand, was shifting around in discomfort. Eventually Elly noticed this and looked at her mother with concern.

"What's wrong mommy?"

"I don't know Elly." Just then her bowels rumbled loudly.

"You're stomach's angry mommy. Do you need to get fat?" Elly asked.

"I don't think I'm hungry." Tifa said. Silence hung in the air for a few moments then until it was shattered. PFFFFFTTTTTT! The blast of gas erupted from Tifa's behind and Elly's eyes went wide, her hand covering her nose seconds later.

"Mommy…that's icky." Tifa's face was flushed red and she stood up.

"Excuse me." The bartender said. She started walking out of the living room when an even louder wind broke from her buttocks.

"Mommy wait until you're alone to do that!" Elly said, running away. Tifa then felt her bowels churn again and rushed quickly to the restroom. Tifa sat on the porcelain throne and hoped this pain would end soon.

A knock then came on the door and she heard her husband's voice.

"Teef, are you okay?"

"I think I'm sick Reno." Tifa said. Then she heard Reno chuckling. "What's so funny?" Tifa asked.

"You're not sick babe, Elly accidentally put a laxative into that brownie she made for you." The door opened a crack and Tifa saw the plastic box proclaiming in large red letters: Magilax, Magic in every pill!

"Just great…" Tifa muttered before she did her business, the sound as loud as a trumpet.

"I'll just leave this here, sorry I can't come in but you know…" Reno said.

"Whatever…" Tifa replied, picking up the discarded box. She glanced at the back and her eyes widened. Effects last up to twenty four hours and should not be taken by women who are pregnant or women who may become pregnant. "Reno, get me something to read, I'm going to be here for a while!" Tifa yelled to her husband. But it wasn't her flame haired husband who answered her cry.

"Mommy, you have the cooties don't you?" Elly's voice asked from behind the door.

"No Elly I'm just…really stinky right now, that's all." As if to confirm this she farted loudly once more.

"Aunt Yuffie said that the magic pills would help you." Elly remarked before running off again. Tifa's thoughts were filled with revenge as Reno came into the bathroom and placed about four novels next to her.

"I wouldn't light any matches in her babe, you'd probably get really burnt." Reno remarked, holding his nose. Tifa started chuckling at that. Leave it to her husband to make her see any humor in this situation.

"It was Yuffie who told Elly to use those laxatives." Tifa said, breaking wind.

"Don't worry babe, we'll get her back." Reno said, smirking.

"Yeah and you better get out of here before you start stinking." Tifa said.

"Life really is a gas, isn't it Tifa?" Reno said as he left his wife to her undeserved toilet time.

"It sure is." Tifa muttered, thighs clenching as she did her duty once more.


End file.
